‘hey thank you share a place for us，and be a listener to us,my story is nothing special anyway,where it start maybe when I was 14,till now I’m still eager for love probably coz I never had,so I go on the internet and dated a stranger and had sex with them,back that time I don’t have any knowledge about safe sex and protect myself,so when I go to university, I tested hiv positive but I’ve had therapy now,and I go on the instagram,meet a first guy,yeah cheated,second guy I thought I finally meet a right one,but no surprise,again,and today 3rd guy,after talking two months,I just know he like someone else, I wonder if I deserve to be loved,and my future,I’ve broken about my health,I don’t know if I deserve someone,my parents are broken,so I have to worry about how can I pay my tuition ，my story just so boring，i dont know my future ，i dont knwo if i still deserve to be loved if I’m hiv positive

(from china)’

hey love,

i respect your decision to stay anonymous and thank you for your kind words and your story is definitely not boring. i really hope that putting your message out in the sleep4ever universe offers a tiny bit of consolation. 🙂

love is like summer rain, it comes in unexpectedly offering a breath of fresh air in the scorching heat of loneliness and it seems to pass by quickly, especially as the heat is rising on the planet we seem to gravitate towards a deeper feeling to quench our thirst. it is noble that you are seeking for love and i think you deserve it and hope it will surprise you ASAP.

as we cannot control love, we can control our sexual desire, and i must say i am unsure of when the right time to practice it is a good one – it really depends from person to person as some people are much more mature when they’re 14 than their peers, but what i can say is that definitely the maturity for love comes later in life and that waiting could provide a better understanding of it leading to a much more pleasurable experience.

i will address the problems of parents and tuition first – parents are just like us, they’re vulnerable and can have their own problems, they even put up with those problems for a long time because they have us (their kids) but in the end it is better for them to be apart and try to get along. it is definitely not your fault for it and if you can, be strong and try to communicate with them and how you can actually help them patch things up or make a peaceful decision. tuitions are a fucking burden, almost unfair how expensive it can be – hopefully you can manage on your own to earn some money on the side to bridge the gap. my suggestion is to focus on studies and find possible online work – make a 6 month, then 3 month than weekly plan and try to achieve those heavy tasks while thinking you’re completing a video game. making real problems a bit silly can sometimes help with mental health during tough times!

the subject of HIV is a sensitive one, since i am not an expert and cannot give any health advice, but what I can do is applaud you for sharing your story. the 21st century offers various ways of coping with HIV (like PrEP – before exposure, PEP – after exposure and Antiretroviral medicines that lower the virulence and it is getting better by the minute. this comes from a bit more western knowledge about it so i am unsure how things are handled in china, but i’m assuming it’s on a high level.

always be cautious when meeting new people and be open about it as there is nothing to be ashamed of. you deserve love, you are a kind caring human being and i’m certain you will find happiness when you least expect it and i’m sure your girlfriend / boyfriend will treat you right. life may surprise you in beautiful ways. i have friends who are HIV positive and I love them dearly, am close to them and i cherish them for sharing their story with me.

if you ever want to talk you know where to find me!

love you angel,

Luke Black