‘i’m sorry if this is any kind of uninteresting or exhausting but i have a hard time dealing with it
i’ve never been a fan of any kind of stuff such as alcohol, cigarettes etc. last year i was battling depression and that’s when i started smoking and drinking. i haven’t told some of my friends that bc when i told my best friend i smoked a cigarette one day, she’d tell me that that’s not me and that it’s disgusting. i know, i’m underage and this is absolutely wrong, but i’m not overusing it??? like, i’ve never gotten drunk and it’s never been a problem for me to hold back when i knew it was getting too much. i really don’t want to lose my friends to any substances, but at the same time i don’t want to be controlled like that just because drinking a glass of wine ‘doesn’t seem like me’

once again, sorry if this is bothering u. hope u had a great day :)’

(by Tanja, from Ljubljana, Slovenia)

hey Tanja,

this is not at all uninteresting and thank you for sharing something that’s bothering you. every message matters 🙂

it is strange how a cigarette can ease our depressive thoughts, smoking alone is like a cleansing ritual and appears to calm you down – so it is not unnatural that when you were feeling blue you reach for a smoke. i’ve tried my first cigarettes when i was around 13, but never really saw the appeal until high school (was very well underage then). i then continued smoking in college because it seemed aesthetically pleasing especially in dim cafés i loved looking at the smoke reaching the lightbulb. so we all have many reasons for it, we’re discovering ourselves and our identities and i think it’s fine you’re having a smoke once in a while. from my experience, as i had similar situations with certain friends telling me some things i did were not me, they went on to do worse things later on and they probably desire the same thing but are not brave enough to try it.

in terms of the actual effect of the cigarette, it actually causes more anxiety chemically in your body and it is a false hope. in the moments of smoking it soothes you, but moments after that they make you more nervous and speed up thoughts, and if your thoughts are negative, they might turn the volume up. i’d always suggest not smoking, as it is a tough challenge quitting and the earlier you start the more addicted you get. i’ve been trying to quit for a while myself and today while writing this letter i’m on my 2nd day ! <3

alcohol… i think i’d sound like a hypocrite if i told you not to drink, as i’m quite a drinker myself, and i do use it to loosen up and blur the problems. you’re young and try to find a passion, a project that you will focus all of your beautiful energy on. try imagining yourself in the most beautiful places with loving friends and fake it to reality. try 120 things out of a 100 possibilities and if everything fails after years of trying, well then just drink up and have fun – you’ve tried it all. but i assure you, the first thing i suggested will be fruitful.

as i’ve mentioned above, we’re forever changing and there is not a thing that you are and a thing that you are not, you can be anything and true friends will always understand that. with some previous letters i always suggested communication, the key thing to do in relationships and friendships – but if it doesn’t work just light a ciggy with a pic of ex friends hehe.

love u angel, hope it helped a bit x

Luke Black